let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
