i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
