She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
