He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
