I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
