worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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