Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Holy shit dude........stairs
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