The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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