Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize