I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
