If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize