you guys were way drunker than both of me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
