There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
