having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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