She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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