I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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