But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
