i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
