I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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