Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm at about main and main street
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
