we need to drink 2009 down the drain
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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