I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
