Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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