My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
