he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
