Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
