Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
