I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
