You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
