i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dicks are not precious.
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