I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
