he puts the penis in happiness.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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