i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
