She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
