i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
