is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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