so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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