his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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