When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
