I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
