Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
