wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
