Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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