it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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