My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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