I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
