Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
