haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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