when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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