You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
