I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
