last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
