It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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