Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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