i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
