I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
