I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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