I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think i got beer on your cat.
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