4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Quick, to the slutcave!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
me + whiskey = a bad person
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
