Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
