Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
