it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
