Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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