all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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