And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
