I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
