Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
