made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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